I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
