Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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