He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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