Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
