I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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