Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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