Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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