Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
