i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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