How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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