Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
