Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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