ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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