OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
