Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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