so that wasnt chicken after all
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
