I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
