Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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