I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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