a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
