Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
