I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
