A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
