Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
