i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
