Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
