omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
