i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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