I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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