Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
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