She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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