Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
