Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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