i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
