i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
