you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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