new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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