If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
