; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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