Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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