my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
