her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm too high and old for this...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
