and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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