You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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