she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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