U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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