One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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