fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
