How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
