we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
