he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
