I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
