you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
