dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
