Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
