She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
