no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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