I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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