I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry my hands just texted you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
