So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
