i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
