is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
