pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
