Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
