Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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