How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
