i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
