i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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