I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
