I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He better not be in your backpack
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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