I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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