Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
