How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
