I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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