Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
