At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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